stupid...frustrating...growl!

Today has been a totally stressful and discouraging day!  All I wanna do right now is climb up onto the roof of my apartment building and scream at the top of my lungs until I lose my voice.  As you may have guessed, Korea has thrown me another curve ball. 

This afternoon at work, I was asked to go to lunch with the girl at work who acts as liaison between my bosses and the teachers.  I knew as soon as she asked me to lunch that it was bad news...we never go to lunch together just the two of us.  I tried to think about what could possibly be wrong but finally decided on just waiting to hear what my new big problem was.  We went to lunch, and upon sitting down, she told me that a bunch of my K parents have been writing to my bosses saying that they think I'm mean and lacking in compassion and that I'm expecting too much out of their children and pushing them too hard.  I think my jaw hit the floor...for a number of reasons. 

First of all, when I first got my K kids from the previous teacher, my bosses via Vickie, the liaison, continuously reminded me that my K students were WAY behind where they should be in the curriculum.  They told me that the previous teacher had done too much playing and not enough teaching, and it was my responsibility to have these students on track with the curriculum by the time I left.  It sounded like quite an undertaking.  But I like a challenge, so I was confident that I would be able to push these students to their full potential.  Thus, I began implementing changes in the classroom so that more of our time was directed to learning all the stuff that my students were already supposed to know.

Secondly, when Vickie was observing my classes, she let me know that I was too lack on my K students' behaviors, and they should be required to stay in their seats and raise their hands, etc.  So I've instilled these rules and expectations in my classroom, and I had thought that I had done it successfully.  But apparently my antics are evil, mean and more likened to a National Guard Drill Sergeant than a Kindergarten teacher.

The next reason I was so shocked to hear all these issues from Vickie is that my ENTIRE life people have told me over and over and over how good I am with kids, how well I interact with them, how I should become a teacher, etc.  My entire life I've heard this.  And before coming to Korea, I was actually beginning to buy into some of it.  I thought, hey, maybe I am good with kids; maybe I do have a gift.  And then I moved to Korea and got punched in the face by my inadequacy as a teacher.  It's so frustrating.  So disheartening.  So putting me in a terrible mood, which obviously is only gonna make things worse.

Normally, I wouldn't let what other people were saying affect me so much.  I'd brush it off and move on, confident that I'm not mean or lacking in compassion or expecting too much out of my students.  My students are completely capable of everything we do in class.  And I think we have a good balance between having fun/being goofy and learning.  Unfortunately in this situation, I don't have the luxury of choosing how to run my class.  I work at a private school, so my school is fully funded by parents that are willing to pay to send their children to our school.  Thus, when a parent thinks there is some issue or if their child comes home with some problem, these parents call into the school and demand that things be changed or they will take their children to another private school.  Basically, parents run my school.  They decide everything.  And now that a bunch of parents have decided I'm a "drill sergeant" who hates smiling and hugs and fun, I have to bend to their every whim and ensure that their children are happy or I run the serious risk of losing my job.

The worst thing is that I'm sitting here driving myself crazy complaining about all this stuff, because I don't want to be complaining about this.  There are a million other more important things going on in the world for me to be thinking about and focusing my attention on.  Hopefully now that I've put all my feelings on the matter out there, I'll be able to drop it and move on.  Tomorrow is a new day.  And I knew there would be numerous obstacles and difficulties in moving to Korea.  I chose to still do it, and overall, I'm glad I did.

I guess I'd just appreciate your prayers or any possible thoughts on how I should be more adequately interacting with/teaching Kindergarten ESL children.

I hope all is well for you all back in the States.  I miss you all and love you dearly!!!

KendallCooke